Rhetoric vs. Reality: When Schools Say 'Family' But Don’t Mean It

Which Family?

Schools love to talk about the importance of families. But too often, that value doesn’t extend to the people teaching our children. Teachers have families too. And when schools ignore this, they create a toxic culture that leads to burnout, inequity, and an exodus of talent.

Caregiving Isn’t a Weakness—It’s a Leadership Skill

Despite women making up the majority of educators, women make up less than half of leadership roles:

• 77% of public school teachers are women (NCES, 2021)

• Yet only 28–30% of superintendents are women (K-12 Dive, 2023)

And educators continue to leave the profession:

• Public schools: 84% stayed, 8% moved, 8% left

• Private schools: 82% stayed, 6% moved, 12% left
  (NCES, 2023)

Unequal Timelines to Leadership

It’s not just about who leads—it’s about how long it takes to get there:

• Men typically advance after 8–11 years of teaching

• Women average 13–14 years before the same promotion
  (West Georgia University, 2012; NCES)

As assistant principals:

• Men: promoted after 4.94 years

• Women: promoted after 5.62 years
  (K-12 Dive, 2020)

Let’s Talk Credentials

Educational backgrounds of principals show a distinct difference:

Women:

• 58% hold elementary education degrees

• 11% hold special education degrees

Men:

• 29% hold elementary education degrees

• Only 4% hold special education degrees

• 14% come from physical education

• 10% from social studies
  (NCES, 1993–94)

Here’s the issue: Degrees in elementary and special education include deep training in development, behavioral support, and inclusive learning—skills essential for leadership. Physical education and social studies? Not as aligned. Yet men with these backgrounds continue to rise faster.

It’s not about capability—it’s about access, assumptions, and the kind of workplace culture that says “we’re a family” but doesn’t show it.

Responsibility Without Support

Even though women’s family responsibilities are often used as a reason to question their readiness for leadership roles, those same responsibilities are not earning them better access to family-centered benefits.

• Only 18% of the nation’s largest school districts offer paid parental leave for teachers (NCTQ, 2023). In many cases, educators are forced to exhaust their sick leave or take unpaid time off during critical family periods.

• Affordable childcare is out of reach for many educators. While nearly 68% of children under 6 have all available parents in the workforce, access to affordable childcare options remains limited, forcing some teachers to reduce their hours or leave the profession entirely (K–12 Dive, 2023).

• The motherhood penalty continues to be a powerful force in career stagnation. Research shows that it accounts for up to 80% of the gender pay gap, and its effects worsen with age and number of children (IWPR, 2023).

In short: Women are told their family lives make them unreliable as leaders—but they’re not being supported as caregivers either.

Unions Must Advocate for Real Support

If teachers are going to stay, unions must:

• Fight for flexible contracts

• Advocate for meaningful support of teachers

• Include family support in bargaining agreements

• Require exit interviews and protections for speaking up

Out-of-the-Box Ideas That Respect Real Life

1. Remote Flex Time – Planning and grading from home

2. Sabbatical Options – Paid personal/professional breaks

3. Stop Expecting Teachers to Volunteer

4. Schedules that Respect Family Time

5. Promote from within the School System

Final Thought

You can love your job and still love your family more.
And you can be a powerful educator without being expected to be a martyr.

Let’s build schools where that’s not only allowed—but expected.

Question for Reflection:
If we keep asking educators to show up for everyone else’s family—why aren’t we building systems that show up for theirs?

Have ideas or local success stories?
Hit reply—we want to hear what’s working in your schools.

In solidarity,

The Merchant Ship Collective

Sources Cited

• National Center for Education Statistics (NCES). (2021, 2023)

• K-12 Dive. (2023). Women lead less than a third of the largest school districts

• West Georgia University. (2012). Study on Women in Educational Leadership

• Kappan Online. (2020). Gender in the Principal Pipeline

• Frontiers in Education. (2017). Women Superintendents’ Career Paths

• NCES. (1993–94). Degrees Held by School Principals

• National Council on Teacher Quality (NCTQ). (2023). How many school districts offer paid parental leave?

• K–12 Dive. (2023). The economic trends driving child care and early learning

• Institute for Women’s Policy Research (IWPR). (2023). Motherhood Is Hard. Pay Penalties Make It Harder.